"Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury and death to American
women, causing more harm than vehicular accidents, rapes and muggings
combined."
Think about that statement. Doesn't that absolutely chill your blood?
To think that women have to be more afraid of men they love than one's that
are strangers is appalling. Crime statistics show that each year between
two and a half and six million women are beaten by the men with whom they
share a home.
"At least 20 percent of all women seeking assistance in hospital
emergency rooms are there because of domestic violence."
When men are asked why they abuse their spouses/girlfriends they often respond with confusion. To many of them the abuse is not significant. They often consider the act of battering to be a reflex. Men are taught to resolve conflict with violence. As boys they learned that they could resolve disputes by fighting.
Boys, in our society, frequently grow up thinking that they are superior to girls. They learn to use intimidation, threats and emotional attacks to control women. So, when they are men and their authority, based on their belief that they are superior, is challenged and their other tactics haven't worked then they respond with a physical attack.
Domestic violence is a cyclical problem. Boys that grow up in families where domestic violence is used then they tend to be abusers when they become men. Also, girls that grow up seeing their mothers abused, tend to grow up and marry men that will most likely abuse them. It's a matter of desensitization. If you live with the violence for a long period then you start to see it as a normal part of life.
Another reason domestic violence continues to thrive in our society is people are often afraid to stand up to the abusers. Although people are willing to talk about the fact that they know or have known someone being abused; they are not willing to talk actively to the abuser. There is still an underlying train of thought running through our society that just because a man beats his wife doesn't necessarily make him a bad person.
That idea must be eliminated. If a man beats his wife, he is not a good person. Esta Soler, the executive director of the Family Violence Prevention Fund, relates that our society still allows jokes to be made about domestic violence. It is still acceptable for people to make derogatory remarks about domestic violence as it used to be acceptable for someone to make a racist or antisemitic comment. Yet, the public has made it clear that they will protest if someone makes an antisemitic or racist comment to the press. Ms. Soler relates the story of when, in November 1990, Charles Barkley (the basketball star)
remarked to a reporter that basketball is a game that if you lose, you go home and beat your wife and kids. Did you see my wife jumping up and down at the end of the game? That's because she knew I wasn't going to beat her.(Mann, pp. E17)
He allowed his comments to be printed and they were. There was no public outcry. The press simply related later that he had apologized.
The public must stop ignoring domestic violence. A social movement needs to grow and become vocal. Society must state that domestic violence will no longer be condoned. This type of behavior must be deemed unacceptable by society for it to stop. The ball has started rolling.
The Clinton administration has requested $10 million for the Centers for Disease Control to conduct a public education campaign on domestic violence and to gather better data on the extent to which it occurs.(Mann, pp. E17)
There is a myth associated with domestic violence. It says that abuse
does not occur in affluent, suburban areas. Many people believe that
well-educated people do not abuse nor do well-educated women get abused.
The American Medical Association, in a report published in June 1992, said
that domestic violence "cuts across all racial, ethnic, religious,
educational and socioeconomic lines."
However, "domestic violence may well prove to be the most troubling
issue facing poor, urban minority communities for a long time to come."
As I mentioned earlier, many boys are taught as they grow up that they are superior to girls. In the poor inner city black communities that teaching can become even more insidious. Women are often called "whores." They are often mistrusted and it is common for physical violence to be used against them.
I am not saying that I have statistics that show that domestic violence is more prevalent in the inner city. But the culture of the inner city places black women in a dangerous position. The value system of a community where violence is seen as the appropriate recourse to a problem is a value system that will allow for domestic violence to occur on a grand scale.
In my opinion and others, one of the things that perpetuates and exacerbates the violence against women is rap music. This is especially a problem in the inner city. Although the 1st Amendment allows for freedom of speech, the Rev. Calvin Butts, of Harlem's Abyssinian Baptist Church says,
I think that there is a connection between the domestic-violence problem and rap music because some songs glorify the horrible things which rappers may have experienced. People who hear this may get the wrong message and think that this behavior is proper.(Sullivan, pp. A12)
Although the problem of violence is a cultural and philosophical one in
the inner city minority communities; I see no need for songs with lyrics
that advocate the degradation of women and therefore continue the attitudes
of men thinking that "Life ain't nothing but money and f___ing your bitch."
Now I want to address the issue that is most often asked when the topic of domestic violence is discussed. Why does a wife stay with her abusive husband?
First, most abusive relationships start out as loving, wonderful and romantic. When the abuse starts the woman has a hard time believing that it has happened. Abusive men usually apologize profusely after beating their wife. Since women are taught to be forgiving and caring they end up forgiving their husband and believing him when he says it will never happen again.
After repeated abuse the wife suffers from an extreme lack of self-esteem. She will start to believe that she must be a bad person. She starts to question her ability to make decisions. The battered wife becomes like a prisoner of war. She tries to behave well in order not to incite her husband's wrath.
It's not so easy to just get up and leave. If a woman musters up enough courage to leave her husband she then faces many obstacles. One problem is that she may not have the financial resources necessary to live on her own, particularly if she has children.
Without sufficient financial resources she may have to go to a shelter.
Only one in six women who seek admission to a shelter can enter because of
lack of space.
Finally, I want to address the fact that leaving an abusive relationship
can often times be more dangerous than staying in it. Dr. Lenore E. Walker,
a psychologist who is the executive director of the Domestic Violence
Institute of Denver, says "Abusive men can't tolerate abandonment. The
goal of a batterer is power and control over a woman."
The National Crime Survey (NCS) from 1978 to 1982 showed that an estimated 32% of battered women were revictimized within 6 months after the assault that gave rise to criminal justice intervention.(Hart, p. 625)
Women may simply consider it not worth the risk to prosecute criminally their abuser. The abuser may very well escalate his level of violence to convince the woman not to prosecute. Many cases show women being killed by their abusers after they have left. The current system does not protect the women.
Often the judges and police disbelieve a woman when she complains of domestic abuse.
Other victims of violent crime are not seen as culpable for the crimes inflicted on them, but battered women frequently report that criminal justice system personnel appear to consider them 'unworthy victims' who are clogging up the courts with unimportant family matters.(Hart, p. 626)
I have listed, as a conclusion, some things that I have found that need to be done to start eliminating the tragedy of domestic violence: Police and the courts must start to address domestic violence as a true criminal epidemic rather than just a social family problem; The attitude of treating the abused women as the cause of the violence rather than the victims must be eliminated; and Attention must be focused on domestic violence rather than it being a hidden epidemic. There is no quick solution.
*Brody, Jane E. Personal Health - When love turns violent: the roots of abuse. The New York Times, March 18, 1992, pp. C12.
Hart, Barbara (1993). Battered Women and the Criminal Justice System. American Behavioral Scientist, Vol. 36 No. 5, May 1993, 624-638.
Johnson, Ida M. (1992). Economic, Situational, and Psychological Correlates of the Decision-Making Process of Battered Women. Families in Society: The Journal of Contemporary Human Services, 168-176.
Lardner, George Jr. Beating the System - Battered Wives, Battered Judges - and a Tsk-Tsk for the Abuser. The Washington Post, August 1, 1993.
Lardner, George Jr. 1 in 3 Say They Have Seen Domestic Violence. The Washington Post, April 20, 1993.
Lawson, Carol. Violence at Home: 'They Don't Want Anyone to Know'. The New York Times, August 6, 1992, pp. C1 & C6.
Mann, Judy. Standing Up to the 'Basically Nice Guys'. The Washington Post, April 21, 1992, pp. E17.
Okun, Lewis (1986) Woman Abuse - Facts Replacing Myths. State University of New York Press.
Stets, Jan E. (1988) Domestic Violence and Control. New York: Springer-Verlag
Sullivan, Shawn. Wife-Beating N the Hood. The Wall Street Journal, July 6, 1993, pp. A12.
Terry, Don. Killing of Woman Waiting for Justice Sounds Alert on
Domestic Violence. The New York Times, March 17, 1992, pp. A14.